I feel like things are going round the twist pretty much 95 per cent of the time. Last year I asked some close friends how they’d describe their mind if they could personify it and in doing so, I realised mine would be a tornado.
When I close my eyes I don’t find it easy visualising a clear structure to my mind because everything is constantly moving, second to second. No up, no down… no rhyme or reason. My mind feels like it’s going at 100 miles an hour.
I’m constantly fighting different conversations in my head, different scenarios at the same time, different images flashing at me. I talk a lot and I often talk fast because I have a lot to say, so I need to get it all out before people listening lose interest.
Does anyone else think random things and switch between things in their head?
One morning while in the bath, I randomly thought of the Mafia. I have no recollection of how or why the thought of organised crime crept into mind – but suddenly I began to ponder over the origin of the Mafia. I could just imagine a group of well-slicked Neanderthals in hand-stitched loin cloths politely discussing the future of their lands. As a form of risk management and “insurance” – they would
demand ask for payment in exchange for protection and compensation over the other men’s properties. Does anyone else find inspiration in the shower?
This morning I woke up in yet another ponderous mood. When I was in the bath I submerged myself under the water and lay there for a while. I could distinctly hear my ma’s Greek music playing and it sounded a lot clearer than I expected it to under water. I started thinking about the water and wondered if it acted as an amplifier.
I then questioned whether anyone had ever made speakers to work in water, I’m pretty sure they have but that didn’t stop me from imagining. I sat there with everything but my nose and mouth under water coming up with ways of creating and building a speaker to go under water and imagined if they needed a hard plastic cover to go over the speaker. But how would the sound break through that? How would it be waterproof? How would it actually work under water? It was only until my ma banged on the bathroom door did I snap back into reality and realise the water had gone cold.
I think it’s a lot to do with lack of sleep that causes this kind of thinking…hopefully rather than me actually being crazy. I sleep very little because the mind is whirling about and needs to not miss a thing.
I need pressure to work through things. It picks things up and puts them down randomly. I find it hard to just relax, I fidget a lot and like to move about, as does my brain. It can often be destructive without me meaning it to be, and wreck things.
I feel like I constantly need to feed my tornado, so I read a lot, I write a lot and I watch a lot of films and TV programmes. I think this would also explain why I tend to take on so much more than I should. The brain is always on the go.
For example last night was a Friday night which meant I could’ve just gone straight to sleep (boring I know) but I didn’t have anything to wake early for this morning so could have easily slept forever but no, I stayed up watching almost six episodes of The Walking Dead.
Not surprising then that I couldn’t fall asleep because the wind howling outside sounding like something was being dragged across the roof. Almost six hours of watching zombie-related naff (good naff, mind) and lack of sleep is obviously going to stir some imagination in your mind.
So what’s the solution then? If anyone has any ideas I’d be more than willing to hear them. I wonder what I’ll think about in the bath tomorrow…